🎭 Roast #1: Emergency Fund Overload!

Experts are telling us to stash 6–12 months’ worth of expenses—and hey, why stop there? One planner, Mary Clements Evans, suggests saving for up to two years’ worth of living costs—just in case the next recession decides to crash crash crash into your credit score washingtonpost.commarketwatch.com. It’s like preparing for a zombie apocalypse… except the zombies are higher interest rates and existential dread.

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🎭 Roast #2: Revenge Saving?

After years of “revenge spending” (we all bought that extra avocado toast), Americans are now launching a revenge savings wave. April’s savings rate jumped to 4.9%, and people are actually putting money away instead of on credit cards. Who are these responsible adults?!

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🎭 Roast #3: Timing Your Appliance Purchases Like a Pro

Shoppers are now racing to buy dishwashers and cars before tariffs make ’em more expensive. Some are like financial ninjas: “I heard the fridge will cost $200 more in a week—better grab it now!” Meanwhile, the rest of us are just trying not to spend too much on takeout.