“So, the National Guard’s been deployed to Los Angeles. Yeah, because when I think ‘Hollywood,’ I think ‘military intervention.’ I mean, what’s next? ‘Fast & Furious 11: The National Guard Drift’?’”

“And speaking of drama, Elon Musk and Trump had a public falling out. It’s like watching two billionaires fight over who gets the last slice of caviar. ‘No, I wanted the Tesla, not the SpaceX!’ ‘Well, I wanted the flamethrower, but you took that too!’”

“Meanwhile, in Colombia, Senator Miguel Uribe Turbay was shot at a campaign rally. It’s a reminder that in politics, sometimes the only thing more dangerous than your opponent is your own supporters.”

“And back in the U.S., Trump signed a travel ban affecting 12 countries. Because nothing says ‘freedom’ like telling people, ‘You’re not welcome here.’ It’s like inviting someone to a party and then saying, ‘Oh, but you can’t come in through the front door. Actually, you can’t come in at all.’”

“But hey, on the bright side, Imagine Dragons waved a Palestinian flag at their Milan concert. Because when I think ‘rock band,’ I think ‘international diplomacy.’ Next, they’ll be solving the Middle East peace process with a guitar solo.”